Why we keep journals

I am not a tremendous journal keeper these days. Before I got married and had babies, I wrote every day, but of course, as I became much busier, I let myself lapse quite a bit in that area. But I have genuinely tried to write down the very important things, thoughts and impressions that have come to me.

I have been aching and struggling so much lately, and these past couple of days have been so discouraging to me and my heart! I have been praying fervently for help. I just have not seemed to be able to find peace. I know that I came pretty close to it before, but I just couldn’t find it again. My heart was sad and I found myself becoming more and more grumpy and frustrated. Amazingly, peace eluded me all the more.

Today as I have plead for peace and for help, I knew I should truly have been praying for a change of heart. I just could not. I just want things to be different! I have been feeling such anxiety, and it began to engulf me this afternoon. I went to my Father in desperation with a plea for help. I read my scriptures, hoping for peace. I did find great peace in the scriptures, and once my heart was a bit more softened by them, I could hear the gentle prompting to read my journal.

As I went to it and began to read, I was amazed to read my words, describing how I was feeling right now! I had felt this way before. Many times. But there, in my journal, was an entry I had nearly forgotten, written the day of General Conference. I had prayed fervently then, too, for answers, for help, for peace, for guidance. And it had come. My heart had been a bit softer and more willing then, and peace had come more readily. The answer that I so dearly sought today was in there. It was an answer I had forgotten…that in my own desperation, I had nearly erased from my heart. I am so grateful that I wrote what I was prompted to write, months ago, so that that sometime down the road, I could save my own “perishing soul.”

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