Timshel

I love my loved ones.  :)

I opened my heart on here a day or two ago.  It felt that day like my heart was broken…so weighed down by past wrongs, by weakness, by fear of inadequacy.

I was actually hoping for no response.  I was feeling lousy and just needed to write it all down.

But what a response I got.  My husband listened with those sweet ears and held me with those big arms.  :)  My sister-in-law reminded me of an incredible talk we had both just heard, and reminded me not to look back, but to go forward.  Several very good friends commented and cheered me on so kindly.  Another friend surprised me with an incredible gift.  I emailed with an incredible woman today about the influence she has had on my life through her beautiful and generous heart and talents.  My mother listened and laughed with me today, as did my sister.  And another unfailing sister, one who has always been too forgiving of me, inspired me with love and music.

Thinking about her tonight, my mind is caught up in lyrics of a song or two.  “Timshel.”  It means choice, something you may do.  There is always a choice.

So many people have chosen to be kind to me, in spite of my inadequacies and wrongs. 

And I could choose to loathe myself, or choose to strive to do better, because as I was reminded today, there is more to me than this.  Also, that I am not alone in this.

Tonight I find myself recommitted, and re-remembering who I really am.  (Why is that so hard to remember?  It must be that it is so important…the hardest things seem to be the most important.)

So awake, oh my soul.  Droop no more.  For “where you invest your love, you invest your life.” (-M&S)

And my life is a gift.  Literally.  I don’t want to waste it feeling this way. 

Thank you for helping me, for loving me.

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