Someone to watch

Last night I fell asleep before I had planned to, exhausted and worried about the many things on my mind, great and small.

I curled up next to my wee one to feed her, and I drifted off.

I dreamed the sweetest dream.  So sweet I didn’t want to leave it when the sun peeked through the blinds this morning.

I was back at my Grandma’s home again.  The sun was hot on the southern Utah rocks.  I burst through the screen door to throw my arms around her, and she wrapped me in her sweet hug and said what she always did: “My Ann.”

It was such a simple dream.  I played like I used to by her clothes line and looked off the edge of the porch.  I sat on her bed and looked at her pictures.

Right before I woke up, she looked at me with her little smile and said, “Don’t worry, Ann.  It will all work out.”  She laughed her soft little laugh and hugged me with her warm arms.  I hugged my Grandpa’s thin body and it was over.

It was like a visit to Heaven.  I awoke this morning to all of the little troubles I had left when I drifted off the night before.  Some have gotten a little better through the day, some worse.  And I still don’t know how most of them will be okay.

Each time I start to feel afraid, I remember her.  I remember what she said to me.

I remember that I felt her close to me not long ago, in the depths of my sorrow and fear.  In my little corner of NICU I had smelled her sweet smell and felt her close by.

We are given more help than we realize.  I think that hope is closer than we know.

So I’m going to keep telling myself those words: “Don’t worry, Ann.  It will all work out.”


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