Interesting and humbling

Last week, I started to hit a low point. A really low one. Lately, as I have been working hard on these good things on my life, the opposition seems to grow day by day. There have been tangles after tangles after tangles that I need not go into right now, but which have slowly and steadily beaten on me. Finally, on Friday, one blow took me out.

I guess I should say I let it take me out. Nevertheless, I was out. I was beaten, I was down, and I sunk.

I didn’t feel like doing much of anything, and taking care of the four girls while feeling this way was very difficult for me. I kept feeling drawn to the computer, oddly, and when I finally went there, I read two blog posts that struck me deeply.

One was my own. One was a friend’s. She tagged me, and at the moment, I didn’t feel too tag-worthy in that category. But as those two posts remained in my mind through the weekend, I realized many things.

I guess I actually want to answer that tag now, in my own way, because as I have thought and prayed about those two things all weekend long, miracles have happened and light has returned to my heart.

Five reasons I love my life as a mother:

1. The Lord loves mothers enough to reach out to them, even when they are feeling or acting in ways that they shouldn’t at the moment. Even in the darkness, He is there, pulling you back.

2. Our children learn to endure their own heartache by watching us endure ours. It gives us a reason to fight harder.

3. You learn that your parents tried their hardest and did their very best, just as you are trying to. Somehow, it’s more comforting to feel so “human” when I know my own parents felt that way, too.

4. Forgiveness and mercy are abundant and readily-given, both from the Lord, and from my husband and children.

5. Joy comes through misery and heartache. At times, my greatest sorrows are actually windows to see just how very blessed I am. As I look at others in my life, and their intense suffering, I realize that my own trials and pain are truly blessings, and that my suffering is not as great as I may have thought. I have realized this week that everything that was weighing me down, everything that was killing my spirit outright is actually a tremendous gift, and one that I should be grateful at every moment for.

I am blessed, and I am grateful for a patient and loving husband, children, and Father, who help me to see it, even when I struggle to at times.

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