Simple

I pray a lot.  I believe in prayers, I guess simply because I know they’re heard.

Every day, I find myself praying for so many things.  Like everyone, I find I have a lot to worry about, and I pray and pray.

Please help our house to sell.

Please help us find a car that will fit the size of our family in two short months.

Please help the baby be healthy.  Please help her be head-down.

Please help me be happy today.

Please help my family.

Please help the many people I love who need help.

Please help me take the shots I hate.

Please help me be a good mom.

Please help me with school.

Please help me be who I should be.

Please help me figure out how to keep the house clean and be a mom, all at the same time.

Please help my wee one’s teeth finally come in.

Please help my kids to be forgiving of me.

Please help me learn to actually drive and park the monster of a vehicle we now need.

On and on and on.

These past few days have brought me back into perspective.

Illness has escalated for me this week, and a couple of days ago, it escalated into something that caused us genuine fear.  With my history, it was nothing to mess around with.

I spent the day in the hospital, while Matt and the girls spent the day waiting.  I was frightened, and in a tremendous amount of pain.  While waiting for my second CT scan, I found myself so in pain and so afraid that I truly couldn’t breathe.

My mind was racing in prayer…I thought of all of the worries, all the help I wanted.  There were so many things I wanted to ask (beg) for.

But suddenly, I realized in that moment the true simplicity of my needs, and my heart’s desire.

My prayer changed from one of blurring through every worry I could possibly think of, to one of simplicity.

“Please help me to be okay enough to go home and be with my family.”

That’s it.  Everything else was extra.  In that moment of simplicity, I felt like a child.  There was really only one thing I truly wanted.  My entire world didn’t need to change or fix itself.  I just needed to be with them to face whatever would happen next in our lives together.

And it was answered.  Yes, illness and pain continued, but I wasn’t in danger.

When my needs and wants became so simple, my blessings became so clear.

As I have spent the following days in bed, feeling useless and angry at myself, I have tried to remember that sweet simplicity.  It makes all that I do have so clear.  It makes everything else fade away.

We are together, we are safe.  And that’s really all that matters.  The rest we’ll face together, and together we’ll be just fine.

Blessed am I.

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