Light

I am amazed.

When I finally let go, truly let go, and chose faith, I was so afraid of the ensuing darkness I felt might come when I felt that loss of supposed control.

Instead, I feel as though light has burst upon me in wave after wave of joy.

Help has come.  Peace has come.  Joy has come.

I feel this incredible comfort from a Father, who was right there, just waiting to give me so much if I would just trust Him.

I’ve had help with things I have been struggling with for a long time.  Answers are flowing like water all of a sudden.  The clarity in some ways is so sharp it hurts my eyes.

And I am changed.  I am new.

I was stunned to find myself yesterday, thanking God for the pain and the sorrow of soul that I had recently been given in my life.

Does it still hurt?  Dearly.

But it’s different now.  It’s a pain that has given me a depth of love, compassion, understanding, and gentleness that I have never experienced before.  It’s deep enough to change who I am to the very center.

How remarkable, to have a Father who loves and knows me so well.

Allowing pain that I am sure hurts Him, too (how could it not hurt to see a child in pain?), to allow me to become who I was meant to become.

I never thought it would be possible to be who I was meant to be if I lost such a dear part of who I am.  Yet somehow, it is possible.

Creating an empty space inside of me in actuality only opened a new receptacle…a place to receive more light, joy, and fullness than I have ever known.

My cup runneth over.

Blessed am I.