Giving up

Good-bye, autumn.

Each fall is a thrill for me.  I am never so happy as I am in the fall.  The air is cool, the mountains are quiet, and the leaves give their last gift and fall.

Fall always seems to be the time of my greatest growth.  It seems to be the time that my heart is ready and I turn more fully.

The past two years have been more important than probably any years that came before them.  Like the leaves of a tree, all of myself that I knew has fallen away and left the bare trunk of me exposed to myself.

I have been surprised this autumn as more has been asked.  I say that as though a demanding overlord has required my payment.  That is not it at all.  I have found that my heart is unable to rest.  I have yearned to be more, to be the best of myself that I can possibly offer.

As my heart has become more willing, more has been required of me.

I have been led onto paths of great uncertainty and paths that have required all my faith, both figurative and literal.

As I have given up things that have been so dear to me I didn’t know how I ever could, I have been amazed at the result.

Where I expected to see an emptiness after something has been given up, I have instead seen a glimpse of what it covered up…a small window into a deeper, more pure version of myself.

I have climbed mountains and sought the Lord, and I have found Him.

Changes are coming and they are more beautiful than what I held onto.  My heart bursts with Love for a Savior who is helping me give up.  I am no longer sorry for what I have given up.  Instead, I am so grateful that it was asked.

And now, I boldly welcome the winter that my heart has waited for all along.

Thank you for the comments, emails, phone calls, everything…I’ve been absent from my blog during this time of change and I am so grateful to all who have checked in.  It means more than you know.  :)

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