Starting over

This past weekend was my last weekend “off.”  I told myself I could have a month.  One month to do nothing but love all of my babies.

Friday, it snowed all day and I just cuddled my wee one and let the girls play.

Today, school started again and life is beginning to pick up speed.

During the past 10 months, as my life has been blessed with such joy, my mind has also asked the question, “why?” more times than I care to admit, about more things than I care to tell.  Life has been on a constant path that has differed from my own thoughts and plans.  I’ve really, really struggled.

I feel like I’ve been given a chance several times in my life, especially recently, to taste just how fragile and miraculous our lives are.

I feel like the slow time this past month has finally given me time to process, reflect, and figure it all out.  It’s so personal, and sometime I may feel like I can share it more openly.

I’m so grateful for the time I’ve had to learn and to grow.  For the sorrow that has led to joy.  I hope I can put it into words soon.

As life picks up again, I just pray that I can hold on to the quiet inside.  I hope that I can remember what I’ve learned and what I’ve gained.  I feel like there are a million things pulling at me again, pushing at my mind…the anxiety rises very quickly today.  I pray I can hold on to what I know now, and not let everything else overwhelm me.

Thank goodness for my six reminders.  For the love in their eyes and their quick forgiveness of what I have lacked.  For the big girls doing everything for me.  For every wet kiss on my face and little arms around my neck.

For every sweet little baby sigh of warm breath against my cheek…it’s like a literal breath of heaven, reminding me that I am more, and that I am loved.


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