Upside-down

Living in this pure, cold place has changed me.

I feel so much nearer to God.  I also feel turned upside-down.

I feel upside-down and inside-out.  I feel so utterly exposed to myself: all my faults, all the things that I want to finally finish and change.  I am shocked and at times disheartened at all I still have yet to do.

This is the year, though, that I have prayed and longed for.  A time to finally truly endure the change that I so long to undergo.

I love to walk in the deep snow.  I leave the paths skied out by others and I plunge into the depths joyfully with my happy snowshoes.  Matthew knows me well enough to give me that time every once in a while.

I love to lose myself in the trees and the snow.  I love the work and the effort of sinking into snow that deep.  I love the pounding of my heart and the cold, crisp air and the whispers of the pines.

I love the prayer and the reverie.  I feel washed clean.

And even though I feel absolutely upside-down and sometimes confused by the things going on in my life and heart, I have this hope that I hold on to: that one day, one day, I will become what I was meant to become.

“And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.”

– Luke 1:45

5 Responses

  1. Jessie

    Love that scripture. Love you.

    January 12, 2014 at 4:13 am

  2. Emily

    I am always so touched, even moved, by your posts! The beauty and innocence around you there is both breathtaking and mind-boggling. I can’t imagine being in that much space to live peacefully, quietly among the trees; and yet, somehow, I read your blog and always wonder what I must be missing by not doing so. What a beauiful spirit you have! Thank you for sharing your heart with the world.

    January 12, 2014 at 10:27 am

  3. Rachel B

    Your pictures are killing me! So glad moving turned out to be so perfect for you and your family. Looks like the perfect place for soul searching!

    January 13, 2014 at 4:37 pm

  4. I love this. Your magical word gives you the space you need for change and stops all time. This will be your year.

    January 15, 2014 at 9:18 pm

  5. Debbie Domenici

    What absolutely beautiful pictures and thoughts! You are a wonderful example to me. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts and inspiring messages! Love you!

    January 23, 2014 at 11:32 pm

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