I haven’t posted much lately. My mind and my heart have been full.
Coming to a new place always means defining yourself again, somehow. Defining yourself to those around you, defining yourself to yourself. Defining means choices, and finally, I feel completely at peace with ours.
We aren’t as busy as we once were. Our lives are so much quieter. The stress has lifted and the real us is showing through more and more.
Each day, I become more one with the trees and the woods. It’s hard to describe, but I feel like they trust me now, and I when I step outside and the sharp bite of the pines strikes my nose, I feel as though the trees have things to tell me.
I have come to love this forest so much. Each tree is a friend. I couldn’t bear the thought of cutting one down this year to use as a Christmas tree.
On a walk after a particularly heavy snow, the girls and I found two pines that had fallen and had cracked under the weight of the snow. We brought them home. Together, they are our tree this year. They seem happy to live in our home a little longer, and their sharp, fresh scent fills our cabin.
I keep thinking of Christmas and all that it means. I keep thinking of life and all that it means.
I want to be better. I want to finally, truly become who I was meant to be. I want kindness and love to shine through my eyes. I want to walk through that door fully and leave behind all that I once was. Somehow, Christmas makes that possible for each of us.