Humbled

This past month has been progressively more humbling.

I kept hoping I would wake up feeling better.  I kept hoping all month that I would be able to just keep it all up somehow.

Another recent hospital visit has humbled me.  I have had to learn to accept what I once rejected:

Medication.

Rest.

Help.

Now, I spend my days in bed, listening to the sweet, loving voice of my mother downstairs.  The voice I grew up hearing.  The voice that always made me feel better as a small child is now making my children feel better during a time when their own mother can’t.  It’s been very, very humbling.

I’ve also rarely, if ever, felt so much gratitude, and I wish I were better at expressing it.

A week ago, I found myself wondering why all the time.  Why someone who wants to do good things and who yearns to be a good mother would be denied the ability to do it for so long.

But the physical struggles I have been facing have allowed me a time of spiritual growth that I think I was unknowingly growing too busy for, before this happened.

I’ve been reminded and taught so many things this week.  Finally, I’ve been quiet enough to listen.

One is the dear reminder that life is fragile, and it is such a gift.  There is purpose and meaning.  It may not always be clear, but it is there, and will be found in time, if sought.

My life is not a coincidence.  I find myself letting many things go this week.  Finally.  I find myself making quiet choices about what I really want to spend my time on.  What really matters.

Blessed am I.

 

8 Responses

  1. Very nice post dear. I’m glad you’ve had (and used) this time for introspection. It’s something we all should do more of :)

    Love you!

    December 9, 2011 at 1:45 pm

  2. Rachel B.

    Oh, this is such a sweet post. I’m so glad you have your mom there to help you. Mom’s really are the greatest. Speaking of, I can tell just by how you write and talk about your children what a great mom you are. I’ll be on the look-out for ways to help, but definitely let me know if there is something I can do. Keep resting!

    December 9, 2011 at 2:03 pm

  3. oh dear. i have been out of the loop i guess. i hope you are ok and know that i am thinking about you, hoping that all will be smooth. love to you.

    jen

    December 11, 2011 at 3:36 pm

  4. Jessie

    Beautiful, it perfectly sums up my thoughts and how I felt this past year. So hard but so worth it. I’m so glad Mom is there.

    December 11, 2011 at 3:41 pm

  5. i love you! you’re amazing and you’re my inspiration. get your rest, you need it! btw, i’m so glad we got that fireplace fixed before we left! :)

    December 11, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    • Ann

      ha ha! Me, too. We love it! :) Love you so much!

      December 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm

  6. Debbie Domenici

    I am sorry you have not been feeling well. It is so hard to be sick and down when you have little ones to care for. I am so glad your mom can be there to help. You are in our thoughts and prayers constantly. Hope all is okay. We are here if you need to talk or anything. Love you and miss you!

    December 12, 2011 at 9:42 am

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