A field

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river
moving in you, a joy.


Interesting thoughts and emotions seem to be running through my mind right now. 

I feel so keenly aware of my blessings right now…probably more aware than I have ever been in my life.  Each day causes me to step back and marvel at our life. 

Interestingly, when others see me right now, it seems that they also step back and marvel…but not necessarily in a positive way. :)  And that’s to be expected.  It’s not every day any more that you see a mother with five small children, particularly one who is thrilled to be doing what she’s doing. 

I find that the more I become who I want to be, the less I fit.  Anywhere. 

In this current social/political climate, I am quite odd.  Many people look at me and see a woman who should not be smiling, but who needs liberation.  I am a contradiction to any idea of the “modern woman,” in many ways.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  And I LOVE it.  I drink it in like warm breath.  Surely, I must be brainwashed?  Hardly.

I am stretching myself more and more, and as I do, I find myself entering circles of new people…good people, wonderful people.  But it is also difficult at times, as I am quite conservative and staunchly supportive of motherhood, and my life is quite a contradiction to some of the more liberally-minded acquaintances I have, and everything they stand for.  It can be hard to feel like I belong, like I can make a difference.

But I am also a contradiction in many circles that I feel more “at home” in…more conservative circles, because I believe so much, and hope so much, and truly feel that I will have the time, means, and help to change the world, if I just try.  I feel like it’s worth the effort.  I can’t brush things aside easily.  I’m a bit stubborn.  (Well, maybe more than a bit…)  I am not afraid of teaching my children to be different.  I am not afraid of being different, myself.  But that does make me stand out and feel a bit more alone at times. 

So where do I fit?

Where do we fit? 

I am doing what I love, in many aspects of my life.  All of my passion and love is caught up in my family.  So much of my heart is also striving to change the lives of women who are suffering.  I can’t do both of those things without stepping out of my comfort zone, and out of the “norm” in different areas.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.  I’ll meet you there. 
– Rumi

 I will never be what some of my more liberal friends think I should be, as a strong, modern woman, because I delight in being a stay-at-home wife and mother, teacher to my children, and have no desire to change my lifestyle.  I will never be what many of my more conservative friends feel comfortable with either, as I can be a bit bold and forward in my views, and cannot ignore the problems of the world. 

But in all of our differences, we can truly change the world together, each in our own way, each with our own gifts.  I pray we can meet in that field, and make a difference. 

By the way, this little snuggle-bug is two weeks old today.  Holding her, being her mother…pure joy.  I pray I can teach her to view herself and others through the open eyes of a bright, compassionate, thinking woman, who can value what each person has to offer, and who can become the best version of herself, doing things from her soul, meeting others in that field as well, and making a difference.

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