2141 days

Matt came home with a “special treat” to surprise me. He said it was our 2141st day of being married, and he thought it was a cool enough number to celebrate. :)

He’s pretty darn cute. :)

It got me thinking about all we’ve been through for the past 2141 days. Of course it’s all too much to go into in a short blog post, just like anybody. (You’re probably thinking right now, “Does she ever write short blog posts???”)

But suffice it to say that we’ve been through quite a bit together during the past 2141 days. There have been many many times of uncertainty where we have had no idea what would happen. It seems like things have been that way pretty much all the time. :) But what joy to go through it all with Matt. :)

Recently, we have had a very harrowing experience, and I have been thinking about it today quite a bit. We recently had a baby and the birth was so difficult that I didn’t know if I would make it through it. I got to a point where, due to the difficulty of the birth and due to other problems that I was yet unaware of, that I just felt that I was looking at Matt for the last time. I felt a horrible surety that I would be gone soon. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than leaving him, but I felt that I couldn’t do anything about it. The baby was born and it felt like one of the greatest miracles of my life when it finally happened, and I was still there. But the sense of dread that I’d had for 9 months didn’t go away. It just kept getting worse. My pain got more and more severe, and I felt like everything was slipping completely out of my control and I couldn’t explain why. After a series of events and a couple of days, and thanks to one nurse who was very in tune with the spirit, it was discovered that I had two pulmonary embolisms. She told me that if I had been allowed to go home in the morning as they had planned, I would probably not have lived. She told me this in the midst of a tornado of emotions, gave me all kinds of shots, and commanded me to stay in my bed and not move a muscle. I was floored and overwhelmed. I felt trapped and terrified, and that night was probably one of the worst of my life. It is difficult to describe all that happened and all that I felt. I was so shaken and upset that Matt had to stand by my bed with me until I was able to fall asleep. He showed me such love and compassion through that experience.

But all of this is not the actual point of my thoughts today. This experience changed everything about my plans in so many ways, and threw me completely upside-down. But what I have clung to is my love for Matt. The morning after all of that happened, I woke up and the sun was shining in my room. It beamed brightly, and the beams shone in and fell on Matt, who was sleeping close by. I looked at him and realized in that moment that I was still there. Nothing could have given me more joy than to still be with him. In that quiet instant, I was given a glimpse of peace that helped me to understand that I have been blessed above all I can comprehend by being with Matt. I know a poem that describes exactly how I was feeling, by Harriet Beecher Stowe.

STILL, still with Thee, when purple morning breaketh,
When the bird waketh and the shadows flee;
Fairer than morning, lovelier than daylight,
Dawns the sweet consciousness I am with Thee….

So shall it be at last in that bright morning,
When the soul waketh, and life’s shadows flee;
O in that hour, fairer than daylight dawning,
Shall rise the glorious thought I am with Thee.

And I guess today it just hit me, that regardless of what life brings us, I can never know greater joy than this: “I am with Thee!!”

So Matt, happy 2141 days! I love you! :)

8 Responses

  1. matt

    …Shucks…”I Love Ann!”

    May 3, 2008 at 1:15 am

  2. matt

    …Shucks…”I Love Ann!”

    May 3, 2008 at 1:15 am

  3. Uintah Writers

    Many happy returns :) I’m so glad everything has worked out so well!!! :) I’m glad that you are doing ok, and have made it through so much!! I love you both so much!!! :)

    May 3, 2008 at 3:38 am

  4. Uintah Writers

    Many happy returns :) I’m so glad everything has worked out so well!!! :) I’m glad that you are doing ok, and have made it through so much!! I love you both so much!!! :)

    May 3, 2008 at 3:38 am

  5. kannie

    *sniffles*The love you two share inspires me to keep improving (or at least trying & failing, LOL) to be better and more loving, too! Thank you for your beautiful examples!!! :-)

    May 3, 2008 at 6:00 pm

  6. kannie

    *sniffles*The love you two share inspires me to keep improving (or at least trying & failing, LOL) to be better and more loving, too! Thank you for your beautiful examples!!! :-)

    May 3, 2008 at 6:00 pm

  7. Tara and Dan Stewart

    Thank you for sharing your difficult experiences with us. We all grow stronger hearing your stories! Love to you both!

    May 3, 2008 at 8:58 pm

  8. Tara and Dan Stewart

    Thank you for sharing your difficult experiences with us. We all grow stronger hearing your stories! Love to you both!

    May 3, 2008 at 8:58 pm

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