Baby steps

It’s hard to believe that we can be in this same place again, not even one year later.

What are the odds of getting RSV and Bronchiolitis twice in less than a year?

The time in the hospital with her was horrible.  There are no words, quite literally, for watching your child suffer like that.  There are times when the loneliness feels absolutely maddening, because it feels there is no one can possibly understand how you feel.

But this has been one of the most sacred, deeply spiritual weeks of my life.  It is amazing, the comfort that is to be found when you’ve come to a place where truly, there is no one who you can possibly turn to, except the Savior.

Then, if you do turn, there is peace that passes understanding.  There is joy and light and complete wholeness.  There is knowledge, guidance, help, and inspiration that floods in and makes everything right.

I have done practically nothing this week except hold my baby.  It has been one of the sweetest experiences of my life.  I have been blessed with an insight into her mind and heart that I have never had before.  It has been such an incredible experience for me.  I have to think, if Heavenly Father has given me such a deep clarity and insight into her heart, how much more does He see and know me?  It has been remarkably comforting in all that is going on.

There was a moment, when the stress of it all hit me like a wave rushing over me.  When I prayed, the thought came to my mind, “Ann, do you honestly think I don’t already have this worked out for you?”  I’ve let so much go since then.

We brought her home.  We were blessed to find a doctor that agreed with us.  She normally would have been kept several days longer.  But we knew she would be able to heal faster here, where there is less trauma and fear and more love and healing.  I am so grateful.

She is a remarkable spirit.  I am humbled that she is mine.  Even in her pain and struggle for breath, she took her first steps last night, laughing.  I can’t stop thinking about that.  I have the feeling that she will be an example for me, all my life.

4 Responses

  1. Sarah Burgoyne

    What a sweety, I’m glad she is home.

    January 9, 2013 at 4:56 pm

  2. Lynn

    What a sweet, strong, brave little girl! Glad she’s recovering. I’ll be sure to say a prayer tonight!

    Ann, I have a quick question. I’m thinking of starting my own family blog, but still debating over whether I actually want to or if I just love other family/mom blogs (like yours!). Anyways, one of the main things I’m struggling with is deciding if I’d want to share the names of my kids. As an avid blog reader of yours, I’ve noticed you don’t really share the names of your kids, am I correct? The only times I’ve read one of your kids names was in today’s post. Funny, my 6 year old is named Emma! Back to the point, do you share your kids names on this blog or do you prefer to keep them private? How did you come to the decision? Just a curious mom wanting to know! Thanks!

    January 9, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    • Ann

      I am so touched you read my blog. Thank you! I definitely think you should start a blog. It has been an incredible way for me to remember just how blessed I am. It really gets me through the harder times, sometimes, when I can look back at how things have always worked out and just how many blessings I have.

      You’re right, I don’t share the names of my kids. Sometimes it feels strange. It’s so funny, I hadn’t even realized that I had used little Emma’s name today…I must be tired! :) Sometimes their names get mentioned in comments when people know us, but I try not to write their names in obvious places. It’s because we have a lot of pictures of them on the blog. I don’t like to dwell on what “could” happen, but when many of my children are so young and their pictures are on here, I don’t want someone who is untrustworthy to learn their name AND what they look like from my blog and use that to harm them in some way. It’s too easy from the places we post about to figure out the places we like and where we live. I think it’s just a little way I can keep them safe.

      Can’t wait to read your blog if you do decide to start! Thank you! :)

      January 9, 2013 at 5:47 pm

  3. What a perfect little girl!!! What an amazingly strong spirit!!

    January 13, 2013 at 9:52 am

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *