Baby steps

It’s hard to believe that we can be in this same place again, not even one year later.

What are the odds of getting RSV and Bronchiolitis twice in less than a year?

The time in the hospital with her was horrible.  There are no words, quite literally, for watching your child suffer like that.  There are times when the loneliness feels absolutely maddening, because it feels there is no one can possibly understand how you feel.

But this has been one of the most sacred, deeply spiritual weeks of my life.  It is amazing, the comfort that is to be found when you’ve come to a place where truly, there is no one who you can possibly turn to, except the Savior.

Then, if you do turn, there is peace that passes understanding.  There is joy and light and complete wholeness.  There is knowledge, guidance, help, and inspiration that floods in and makes everything right.

I have done practically nothing this week except hold my baby.  It has been one of the sweetest experiences of my life.  I have been blessed with an insight into her mind and heart that I have never had before.  It has been such an incredible experience for me.  I have to think, if Heavenly Father has given me such a deep clarity and insight into her heart, how much more does He see and know me?  It has been remarkably comforting in all that is going on.

There was a moment, when the stress of it all hit me like a wave rushing over me.  When I prayed, the thought came to my mind, “Ann, do you honestly think I don’t already have this worked out for you?”  I’ve let so much go since then.

We brought her home.  We were blessed to find a doctor that agreed with us.  She normally would have been kept several days longer.  But we knew she would be able to heal faster here, where there is less trauma and fear and more love and healing.  I am so grateful.

She is a remarkable spirit.  I am humbled that she is mine.  Even in her pain and struggle for breath, she took her first steps last night, laughing.  I can’t stop thinking about that.  I have the feeling that she will be an example for me, all my life.

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