Repeat and Freedom

What is the virtue of a repeat trial?

What would be the point of going through the same difficult thing again, and so soon?

Going through the same trial seemingly again and again this year, and twice with the tiniest and most tender of all, has been the most incredible, humbling experience.  It’s been so painful, but so miraculous.

After going through this so often, I am not quite so shell-shocked.  My eyes are more open, and I know more what to expect.  I am more prepared for how difficult it is going to be, and I am strengthened by the knowledge that I had help before, and believe I will have it again.  I am more empowered to stand up and fight.

But most of all, and sweetest of all, seeing past the fog of shock and into the reality of what is happening, I see the miracles, the abundant, merciful miracles that have been there time and time again.  With eyes open to such mercy, how can I doubt and be afraid?

(Good-bye, oxygen!  Grateful for your help, grateful to see you go.)

This repeat trial has taught me to trust, as never before.  It has helped me to see that faith is the only answer, the perfect freedom.  It has helped me to cast off the shackles and live a bolder life, because life is that much more precious and rare.  

I have never had a child who can become so seriously, life-and-death ill, so quickly.  I have nightmares from things I have seen her go through.  But I have also never seen a person with such capacity for faith and healing.  She is a living lesson to me in faith, mercy, and healing.

Blessed am I!

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